Random Musings

Nothing too exciting has been going on in our lives lately, but I still feel like I want to write. So I’m just going to share some of my thoughts, I always enjoy reading those blog posts on others’ blogs, so here goes…

A few weeks ago, I was doing some back reading on my blog. When I first started blogging, many of my posts revolved around work. (This is also true of many of my journal entries during this time.) While I think this may have been because most of the interesting things in my life revolved around work, I also believe that I found true joy in my job. Every positive interaction made my day, and I loved what I did. While I do still love my job, I don’t think I find the same amount of joy in it as I used to. I’m not sure really why this is the case, but it could be due to the decreased newness of it, burnout, or just because I’m tired of working. In some ways I think it might be the latter. While I enjoy being at work with my friends, and I enjoy hanging out with the babies (other than when they are all born at the same time or are cranky), plus the paycheck is nice, there are so many more things I would rather be doing at home, like exercise, family history work, general vegetation, and now homework. I know most people don’t find joy in homework, but I honestly love it. I’m so happy that I made the decision to go back to school, even though it will be one of the harder things I have tackled (I calculated today that I have spent more than 93 hours on homework so far this semester, and I am only three weeks into my second class.), but I know the end result will be worth it. 

However, one of the things I semi-worry about is my future as a mother. Graduate school is a huge investment, so I don’t think I will ever be able to fully stop working until I reach retirement age. (Money always messes things up.) My whole life I’ve been told that a successful mother should be at home with their children. Not only that, but there are 2-3 days a week where we won’t have anyone to watch our kids (unless I work every Saturday and Sunday, then it is just 1 day a week, but Megan gets really grumpy when she doesn’t get to see Kevin or go to church). I know all things will work out in the end, but it is kind of scary to think about. It just seems like all of my friends and cousins are having kids, so it feels like I am falling behind, but I really don’t know what my real feelings on the whole situations are.

Well, our Alias episode is now over, and it is bedtime, so I guess it is time to end this jumble. Until next time…