Attack of the Fish

(Written 5/16/11)

One of my quirks is that I have a phobia of fish. I am fine if they are in their natural habitat. I was even fine snorkeling with them in Hawaii (although they kept their distance which helped). However, I get the heebie jeebies every time I see a fish out of water, dead or alive. It doesn't matter if it is in person or on the television, I still get nervous.

The only thing I can "blame" for this phobia is finding dead fish on the floor in Walmart, as well as a skeleton fish my mom had left in the net after it died (years earlier) because she didn't want me to see her flush it (my fish got burials in our garden) and then she forgot about it.

I also remember feeding Tootsie, my border collie, fish heads when I was younger. I dumped them where she could reach them, then as soon as I looked at them I started screaming. I can just imagine the look she gave me. Border Collies are very good at giving you "What's your problem lady?" look. They are very expressive dogs, at least mine was.

Another scarring incident happened when I was preparing a smoked trout my parents neighbors had given me. It didn't have a head that I had to contend with, but deboning it with the scales on it reminded me that it was a fish. I had to employ relaxation techniques learned in nursing school to get through it. This incident was so traumatic, and I was so proud of myself, that it warranted a Facebook Status Update. The trout was mighty tasty, but I think I prefer my fish breaded or in a can, no scales that way.

When I was younger I used have dreams about fish (usually trout or salmon) swimming around my bed. The water would be thick with fish. I would wake up severely distressed and would have to peer over the edge of the bed to make sure that I wasn't in the middle of a lake. I think a few times they jumped up on my bed, and I would wake up curled in a tight ball shaking.

In the past few months, these dreams have been occurring with increased frequency, except now they are even worse. The fish in my dreams are the same fish that are in our tank. Most of the dreams involve them jumping out of the tank and dying. (One of our Giant Danios actually did this last summer. I found him while eating breakfast before work.) At one point I was determined that we had to buy a generator with our tax refund because I had dreamed that we had a power outage and the fish were jumping out of the tank because the water was cold and they had no oxygen.

To keep our water level where it needs to be, we have fill it on a regular basis with a clear plastic hose that we hook up to our kitchen sink. Kevin never takes care of it, so it has been lying draped over our counter. Yesterday morning I found myself dreaming that the hose was somehow near our bed. For some reason the fish had decided to swim up the hose and out on to my bed. Thus, they were dying next to my pillow. I think Kevin was able to rescue them and put them back in the tank before they died. At this point (in real life), Kevin's alarm had already gone off because he needed to start cooking a roast for Sunday dinner. I was a quarter awake, so I was somewhat aware that he was moving around at the bottom of the bed. Anyways, being the nice, kind, and loving husband he is he grabbed my toes to wake me up. I exhibit a textbook perfect startle reflex and wanted to throw something at him because I thought he was a fish biting my toes.

Yes, I know I have problems, but does anyone have an interpretation for random fish dreams? They are starting to get annoying.

6/3/11 Update: Our last remaining Giant Danios was actually found on the floor a couple of days ago. Fortunately Kevin was able to rescue him and throw him back in the tank. He doesn't seem to be suffering any ill-effects from his suicidal impulses. I, however, am feeling more reluctant to be too close to the fish tank for fear that I will be attacked by a fish jumping out.